Relapse
by MaryRose
Summary: The Commonwealth has been restored. TarnVedra has been found. It's a fairy tale ending for all the crew except one. Why can't Beka fit in? A Classic Andromeda story with the original crew.
1. Chapter 1

Beka sighed as she walked down the halls of the palace. She certainly didn't feel comfortable here...not even after all this time.

The World ship had been defeated with the aid of Harper's nova bombs and the New Commonwealth was firmly established. Amazing how many worlds wanted to sign on with the winners. Beka grinned ruefully.

She'd even found a way back to Tarn-Vedra. Sure, the engine of creation had turned out to be non existent but, hey, other things had worked out.

Dylan was president now and he and the former crew lived in the palace. Tyr, amazingly enough, was the ambassador and liaison to the Neitzscheans. He'd admitted that the New Commonwealth was best for everybody--including Neitzscheans. So, in his position, he would prevent a repeat of the betrayal that caused the fall in the first place. Harper was chief engineer of a convoy of High Guard ships. Of course, Andromeda was the flag ship. Rev was the head of the Wayist movement that was becoming almost a state religion. He lived at a retreat he'd established at Brandenburg Tor. Something fitting about the site of the first blow to the old Commonwealth being the home to a movement that was helping to preserve the new one. As for Trance--well believe it or not the purple pixie was Dylan's vice president.

Beka herself had been offered this position but, she'd turned it down. She knew that it wouldn't fit her. So now, she was the only former crew member of the Andromeda who didn't have an official government position. Well, you could count Rev, she supposed. He wasn't officially part of the government either.

Beka reached her rooms in the palace. Technically, she supposed she wasn't entitled to a place in the palace. After all, she technically wasn't with the government. But Dylan had insisted and everyone else from the former crew to the council had agreed that she was entitled.

Beka recalled the conversation she'd had with Dylan about it. He'd told her, "You were a very vital part in restoring the Commonwealth. I wish you would take a position in the government but, since you won't it doesn't matter. You're still entitled to live here."

"Dylan I--."

"No buts. You've earned it. Everyone agrees. You are a part of the only family I have left. I want you near me. Bad enough, Rev had to go. I don't want you to go too."

"All right. You win. I'll stay. Did I ever tell you how annoying you can be?"

He grinned. You may have mentioned it on occasion."

Beka sighed and dropped down in a chair. It was great to be cared about in that way but, it didn't change the fact that she didn't belong here and didn't fit in. She was happy that everyone else was happy but, she herself just couldn't seem to find a place here no matter how hard she tried.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

There was yet another formal dinner to attend, that night. Beka still hated them as much as ever. Technically, since she wasn't an official of the government, she really didn't have to attend. But, it was a celebration tonight. Plus, she knew that Dylan really liked her to attend; so she did. Pleasing Dylan was still very important to her. 

She felt horribly unnatural in her evening dress, however. It was a very flattering basic black, strapless number with matching high heels. Not the typical uniform of Beka Valentine. All she wanted to do was run back to her rooms and hide. Not an option. She forged ahead.

The formal dinning room was decked out in magnificent splendor. It was a huge room. Crystal chandeliers dangled from the ceiling. Buffet tables were lined up and stocked with every kind of food for every kind of species you could imagine.

And over at the head table: Dylan, Tyr, Trance, Harper and Rommie were seated and waiting for her. She made her way through the crowds. "Sorry, I'm late."

"No, you're not." Trance giggled. She might be a vice president of a renewed Commonwealth but, she was still the same old Trance.

"All right, so, I'm not. I showed up. I'm here, aren't I?"

"And we're very glad of it, too." Dylan told her. "Come sit down." She did and then they were served.

It was the first anniversary of the restoring of Tarn-Vedra to the galaxies and everyone was in a celebratory mood. Dylan had decided that an anniversary party would be held every year from now on. Everyone was happy to finally have things to celebrate.

After dinner, they all adjourned to the ball room for a major dance fest. Music from intergalactic bands ruled the night. Everybody was having a good time. Even Beka who, of course, hated everything about formal occasions couldn't resist this. This was more her cup of tea. Her love of music was too ingrained in her to resist. She was in her element. So, she whirled around and danced, losing herself in the beat.

But, eventually, even dynamos like Beka get tired. So, she went over to a couch to sit down and rest. She was approached by a very drunken diplomat. "Hey, hot stuff. You really burn up the dance floor. How about burning me up?"

Ugh. Not in a million years. But, she didn't want to cause a scene so, she tried to be polite. "Look, why don't you just go? I'm not interested, all right." He was obviously too drunk to recognize who she was. She really didn't feel like dealing with him. Beka wanted him to just take the hint and leave.

"Come on, sweetie. Don't be like that. Give me a chance. I guarantee you'll like what you get."

SLAP. "I said no, now why don't you just be a good little boy and leave me the hell alone?" That got him to leave. It didn't end there, however.

The next thing she knew a High Guard officer came to escort her to a private room of the palace where Dylan was waiting. "What's going on?", she asked him.

He sighed. "I wanted to talk to you privately. I got a complaint about you."

She knew who. "From some drunken slob?" She was outraged. "Dylan, you know me."

Dylan nodded. "I do. That's why I wanted to hear your side of the story. I am skeptical of his story but, as President it's my job...

He trailed off.

"Yeah, yeah. I know." She told him what happened.

"I believe you. I'm really sorry. Why don't you go back to the party? I'll smooth things over."

"Sure." She walked out but, didn't go back to the party. The mood had been spoiled for her. Instead, she headed for her suite. This little incident underscored what she'd known all along but, had been trying to deny.

She didn't fit in here. She didn't belong. Never had, never would. It was time to go.


	3. Chapter 3

This was the perfect time to leave. Everyone was distracted by the celebration. Beka knew that without a distraction, she faced a fight. Dylan would never let her leave willingly. Well, she had to.

She quickly packed her stuff and headed for the hangar deck. She hurried to the Maru and requested clearance for takeoff. It wasn't hard to get. She wasn't a high ranking government official but, as per Dylan's orders she had all the privileges of one. She was quickly cleared.

Now she went to record a message to send back. "Hey, guys. By the time you get this, I'll have already left as you'll be able to figure out. Don't try and find me. It's better this way, believe me. I'm never coming back. It's nothing personal or anything. It's nobody's fault. None of you did anything to make me leave. This is my own decision. It's just that I don't fit in there; I never have. I've known this in my heart for awhile… but… I just didn't want to face it. I have, now. So, I'm off to make a new life for myself. Please, please respect my decision. I love you guys, always and forever. Beka out."

She sent it over the official channel, which wouldn't be checked for messages till tomorrow morning. She had almost a whole day to get away. And with her experience at hide and go seek, they'd never find her.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Tyr and Trance were in Dylan's office making their official reports about the last night's celebration when his secretary notified him of a message on the official channel. Dylan keyed in his codes and all three of them watched Beka's farewell message. It stunned them so much that for the longest time none of them did anything; they just sat there, staring. Finally, Trance broke the silence. "What are we going to do?"

"Obviously, nothing", Tyr growled. "She has made her choice." They both looked at Dylan.

He had visibly paled. "Tyr is right. She left of her own free will. If she was that unhappy..." He couldn't finish. "I never chained any of you to me. You were always free to go. Beka just exercised her option, that's all. Well, it's time to get back to work." With that, he dismissed them. After they were gone, Dylan broke down and cried.

hr

Tyr and Trance walked down the halls to their offices. "What do you make of this, Trance?"

"I don't know. She sounded desperate. This isn't good. And how am I supposed to tell Harper? He's been so happy since his cure and with his job and all. This is just going to tear him apart." She sighed. "I'd better go and tell him now before someone else does.

It won't be long before this gets around and he deserves to hear it from me."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Trance looked at him and did a double take. Tyr had changed a lot since the successful completion of their mission. Of course, he was Neitzschean and Nietzscheans respected success. Still, ever since he and Harper had battled Magog together they had been bonded. It would probably help Harper for Tyr to be there when she told him. "I would like that very much."

Tyr grinned. "Then let us be off."

hr

Harper was happily involved in repairs on Andromeda. Being the head engineer was nice but, he would always get his hands dirty. And nobody but, nobody was ever going to touch Andromeda but him. He had just finished interfacing when Trance and Tyr came aboard. He didn't like the looks on their faces. He and Rommie waited expectantly. "Hey, what's up?" he asked.

Trance cleared her throat. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this Harper but, Beka's gone."

"Gone! What do you mean-gone?" He was frantic.

"Oh, I'm sorry Harper. I didn't mean it like that. I just wasn't thinking. I'm too upset. I mean she's left us. For good." She stated sobbing and ran out.

Harper stared at Tyr. "Is this true?"

"Yes. Both Trance and I watched her farewell message in Dylan's office this morning. I'm very sorry, Harper."

"But why? Why would she leave?"

"She said something about not fitting in here."

"That's bullshit. Come on, Rommie. Let's go after her."

"Dylan said not to. She asked in the message that we respect her decision and that is what he is doing.

"No! Look everything here is cool now. Everything is stable. The Dragons aren't even a threat anymore since you effectively cut them off at the knees by bridging the gap between the New Commonwealth and the Nietzscheans." That was a great source of pride for Tyr, humbling his enemies. "So, we can go and use the whole fleet to find her. We can do that."

Tyr put his hands on Harper's shoulders. No, we cannot. Beka made her choice. We have to respect it. To go hunting her to bring her back to what she effectively considers a prison would be to violate all the principles we all fought for. Got that?"

"Fine." And he suddenly broke down. And Tyr actually hugged him. He'd been finding human emotions not unappealing anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

As Beka piloted she faced the question of where to go. She knew she couldn't settle on one of the main planets. She'd probably be recognized and then Dylan might be able to find her. She'd asked that he not try and he might even respect that. Hopefully, he would but, why take chances?

The best thing to do was to find a backwater planet somewhere, the sleazier the better. Beka grinned at that. Fortunately, she had a vast knowledge of planets like that. The New Commonwealth was never going to completely eliminate that element.

So, she'd go back to her old life with one difference; she would be crewless. That would be O.K. If there was anybody who could make it on their own it was Beka Valentine; she'd been doing it all her life.

She was free now. From now on, she'd be a solo act. Right now, it was time to decide where to go. She put the Maru on autopilot and went back to check her star charts. Where to go? Where to go?

Beka suddenly felt a hot stab of pain and loneliness. It was so bad she nearly turned around and headed back. She didn't. She couldn't. The decision had been made and it was for the best. She suppressed her feelings. Now was not the time to give in and be weak. She'd get used to things really quickly.

She studied the charts carefully. Her well known hatred of planets would make them an ideal place to settle. No one would think of looking for her on one. If they looked at all, which, hopefully, they wouldn't.

Sure, she'd lived on Tarn-Vedra for awhile but, look how that turned out. Now, where would be the best place to hide? She considered her options and recalled all the places she'd been on various runs. She needed to be as far from Tarn-Vedra as possible.

A good candidate was Zenephon. It was a backwater planet. Didn't have much in the way of settlement and what there was was properly low-life. Beka grinned again. Perfect. That's where she'd go. She wasn't scared; she'd always been able to handle herself in the past and would continue to be able to. And she had her ship and weapons. Yep. That would be her new home.

She slipstreamed there and soon reached it. She landed the Maru at the spaceport. 'Well, now that I'm here, what do I do next?' She had to give this some thought and figure things out. Perhaps the best thing to do was to try and scare up a job. Not that she needed the money; Dylan had given her Commonwealth accounts that she could access from anywhere. She was totally debt-free. 'Wait a minute, Valentine. You are totally screwed up. You know you can't use that money--if you do--Dylan will find you. Idiot. You don't want that. You left, after all.' Right, using the money, would probably lead them straight to her. She couldn't have them finding her when she'd gone to all this trouble to leave.

So, she'd need a job, after all. Not just for the money but, for the adventure and excitement. Those things would surely fill up the emptiness inside her, the aching void in her life since she'd left. And it hadn't even been that long.

She felt angry. It was so unfair. Everybody else had been able to find a place for themselves in their new lives. Even Tyr. But not her. How pathetic was that? It was freaking ironic. Tyr fit in and she didn't. How sad was that?

And going back to her old life hadn't made her happy. At least not yet. Well, she hadn't really started anything yet. Things were still up in the air. Not for long.

Sure there was still that hole in her life. Not a big deal. 'I'll just fill it, that's all.' She set out to do just that.


	6. Chapter 6

Dylan finally stopped crying and pulled himself together. Rev, he must call Rev. It wouldn't be long until this news got around and Rev deserved to hear it from him. So, he opened a Comm channel to Brandenburg Tor's Wayist monastery. A pleasant young woman answered. "How can I help you?"

"I would like to speak to Rev Bem please."

"Excuse me. Who?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I mean Brother Bohemial Fartraveller."

"Of course, President Hunt. I will get him."

Dylan looked around to see who she was talking to and then it hit him. He still sometimes forgot. Maybe he would never really get completely used to it. Then Rev Bem was on the line. "Yes, Dylan, what is it?"

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this Rev but, Beka's left us."

"What? Why?"

Dylan explained as best he could, which was quite a trick, since he really didn't understand himself.

"All right. Perhaps she'll come here to see me."

Dylan felt a stirring of hope. "Maybe. If she does, call me and keep her there. Then I'll come and persuade her to come back home."

"Dylan--."

"Rev, just tell me if she comes. I'm not chasing her because I promised myself I'd never force anybody to stay with me. But...that doesn't mean I can't do my damndest to persuade her to come home where she belongs. Because, in spite of what she thinks, she does belong here."

"I understand. I will help you if she comes here."

"Thank you. Dylan out."


	7. Chapter 7

I forgot the disclaimer. I always do that. Sorry. Anyway, none of this is mine, although, like others I'm sure, I wish it were.

"All right boy, that's enough."

Harper sniffed and pulled himself together. "This is not over, Tyr."

Tyr sighed and turned to Rommie. "Would you leave us alone, please?" She nodded and exited. Tyr turned back to Harper. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm going after Beka and bringing her back home. I don't care what Dylan says."

"You obviously don't care what Beka says either."

"Not when it's stupid shit like this. I'm going to see Dylan right now." He stormed away. Tyr sighed and followed him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Harper burst into Dylan's office without knocking. "What's this about not going after Beka? You can't just let her leave like that."

"Harper, I have to respect her choice like I respected Rev's. I didn't want him to leave either."

"That was different. Rev had a reason to go and we know where he is. It's not like we can't communicate with him. Beka, on the other hand, had no reason at all to leave."

Tyr had come in behind him, in the meanwhile. Now Tyr spoke. "Harper, your getting this upset is not helping anyone."

Dylan kept his semblance of calm. "According to the message, she felt she did."

"Play it. I want to hear this so-called message."

Dylan would rather have not listened to it a second time. However, he played it for Harper. "There. Now you know."

Harper was as stunned as the others had been. Nevertheless, he was still determined. "We can still go out and find her and talk to her. I know I can persuade her to come home. With the whole fleet--."

"No. You're not taking the whole fleet. Sorry Harper but, it has to be this way."

"No, it doesn't. Fine. If you won't look for her I will."

"With what? I'm not going to let you take Andromeda."

"Then I'll take another ship or something. And if you won't give me flight clearance I'll take off, anyway."

Dylan was getting a headache. "All right. I'll give you a slip fighter. But only for a month. We need you here. If you can't find her in a month, you come back. Those are the conditions. Take it or leave it."

"I'll take it. But, months not long enough."

"That's all I can give you."

"You could give more."

"Yes, I could but, I have to keep my word. I promised I'd never hold any of you to me, no matter how much I might want to. Giving you the slip fighter and the time is already breaking my word." There was considerable pain in his words.

For the first time, Harper stopped and really paid attention to Dylan. He didn't look good. Harper realized Dylan was hurting over this as much as Harper was. For the first time, Harper could see beyond his own pain to someone else's. "I'll take it. Thanks Dylan." Harper left, a little happier.

Dylan turned to Tyr. "You'd better go with him just to make sure he comes back in a month. Trance and I can handle things with the council's help."

Tyr nodded. "I am willing to go. He will need me to keep him out of trouble if nothing else."

"Yes, he will. Think your wives can survive without you for a month?"

"I'm very sure they will be able to."

"Then your mission is to keep Harper out of trouble and make sure he returns. And if you do manage to find Beka and bring her back..."

"Perhaps we shall. We shall see." Then Tyr left, too.


	8. Chapter 8

Beka left the spaceport and walked around the settlement. It was a dingy place, populated with bars and clubs of the lowest caliber. In short, it was everything she'd hoped for, a place where she could lose herself. Beka entered a bar and looked around. This place looked like a likely prospect. She could probably make contacts here or something. Whatever happened, she was ready.

She moved over to the bar and ordered a drink.

"Anybody looking for a pilot or salvage runner?" she asked the bartender.

"Not that I know of. I could keep my eyes and ears open, though. For a price." He leered at her.

What was it about her luck in encountering these lusty lowlifes? "No thanks. I'm perfectly capable of spreading the word on my own."

"Your loss."

'Yeah, right.' Beka sipped her drink and surveyed the room. All sorts of sentient beings were represented. And many of them were lowlifes, she was sure. Like the bartender. Well, it didn't look like a job was to be found here. She finished her drink and got up to go. Time to check out other prospects. As she reached the door a hand fell on her shoulder. She drew her weapon. "Get the hell away from me."

"Hey, I was only going to offer you a job. I heard what you said at the bar."

Beka lowered her weapon and studied him. He was human, rather short but not in too bad shape. Well, he was slightly overweight but... He had brown hair with streaks of grey in it and his eyes were dark. "What kind of job?"

"I heard you ask about salvage. Are you any good?"

She was about to say she was the best, then stopped. She didn't want to say anything that might possibly give her identity away. She had given up everything for that anonymity. "I'm pretty good at piloting, cargo running and salvage. You name it I can probably do it. You won't know unless you try me. Do you pay well?"

He laughed. "Spoken like a true salvager. I think you'll find me fair. Shall we talk business?"

Let's." They went back to the bar.


	9. Chapter 9

I keep forgetting to put my disclaimer in the first chapter on this site. But better late than never. Here it is. I don't own Andromeda which is sad but what can you do?

Harper and Tyr set off in the slipfighter. "So, little man where shall we go?"

That was a good question. They had no idea in which direction Beka had gone. Harper felt some fear that they wouldn't be able to... he suppressed that thought. No way would they fail. They couldn't. He was going to find her. He had to. But they needed some kind of plan. "Let's start searching the drifts first. Beka always liked drifts better than planets, anyway."

"All right." Tyr agreed.

As they flew along Harper turned to Tyr. "You think this is a waste of time, don't you?"

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to. I can just tell from looking at you. It is what you think, isn't it? Just be honest and tell me."

Tyr sighed. "All right. Yes I do. She left of her own free will and the universe is a big place."

"So, why are you here, then?"

"Because Dylan asked me to go along and keep you out of trouble."

"Oh. O.K." Harper still looked quizzically at him. He was getting a vibe that that wasn't the only reason. Harper didn't know why he felt that but, he did.

Tyr glared at Harper. "What other reason could there possibly be? I'm not exactly happy to leave my wives and children for a month to go and be your keeper on this wild goose chase."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just thought..."

Tyr growled. He wished the boy would just shut up. He thought he knew what Harper wanted him to say and he would be damned if he would give the little professor that satisfaction. He had made a tactical error in hugging Harper and now he was paying the price. "Harper, shut up. I'm going with you against my better judgment. That should be enough. If, however, it is not, I can always kill you."

Harper grinned and turned away. "Whoa. Easy big boy. Fine. I'll shut up now." But, he continued laughing under his breath. And Tyr knew he'd lost this round to his annoying little brother.


	10. Chapter 10

Beka and the man were back at the bar. "I'll buy you a drink and we can talk."

"Why not?" Beka was agreeable but, wary. It was always best to not let your guard down in these kinds of places.

"I'm Jarmin Tokes. I'm quite successful at my businesses and I'm always looking for new recruits. Are you interested?"

"I might be. I'm--She'd nearly said Beka Valentine. "I'm Diana Cobor. Like I said, you name it, I've done it. But this isn't getting us anywhere." She sipped her drink.

"Let's get down to the important stuff."

Jarmin laughed. "Fine. Well, I like my pilots to stick close so they can be available whenever I need them. In short, it means you'll be on call which means you have to live here. Is that going to be a problem?"

Beka flashed back to her time on Tarn-Vedra and felt the pain return. Quickly, she squelched it. No place for that here during business negotiations. "No. But, you haven't mentioned the most important part--the pay. I assume this being on call thing will be reflected in the price you pay me. I expect to be paid accordingly."

Jarmin laughed again. "Ahh, yes. The pay." He named a figure. "Will that be acceptable?"

Beka almost gasped. It was more than acceptable--it was incredible! She kept her cool, though. "Yes, that is acceptable, thank you."

"So, you do accept my offer, then?" She nodded. "Excellent. Welcome to my crew, Diana."


	11. Chapter 11

Harper wasn't letting on to Tyr but he was getting discouraged. They had been to how many drifts and still no sign of Beka. This wasn't good. 

Tyr glanced over at Harper. The boy had a sad look on his face. Of course, if he caught Tyr

watching he would have immediately changed his expression. Tyr had seen him do it enough times in the course of their search. "The deadline is fast approaching Harper." Tyr was trying to speak as gently as he could.

"Don't say that! We will find her. And if not, then we'll get an extension, that's all.

We have to find her no matter what." There was a note of despair in his voice.

"No, child we can't. I must be getting back to my family and you need to get back as well."

"Tyr--."

"No. You must listen to me. I agreed to come on this foolish quest of yours, even though the odds were remote at ever finding her. You yourself know how good she is at hiding when she wants to. And apparently she does want to. We haven't found her. Face it. She doesn't want us to. These galaxies are too big. Now, we will continue to search but, when the deadline arrives we will go back. 

Understood?"

"Yeah." There was a pouty tone to Harper's voice that belied the pain that he was in.

And he turned away and let his tears fall freely. Tyr of course, could tell that he was crying but, this time he left him alone. There was nothing he could say, anyway, that would make Harper feel any better. The situation was what it was.


	12. Chapter 12

Beka dropped down on her bunk, utterly spent.

Slip piloting, especially these backwater routes Jarmin insisted be used took a lot out of her. But, that was a good thing and she didn't question it. With so much energy expended on working she didn't have time to think about...other things. Except...sometimes...like now...those thoughts crept into her mind, when she really should be sleeping. But sleep wasn't coming.

"Damn. Why won't they leave me alone?" She reached for the box she kept under her bunk and opened it. She pulled out the picture, one of many things she kept in there. The faces of her former crewmates stared back at her. "I miss you guys. I do. I'm sorry that it just had to be this way. I couldn't fit in...I tried...I really did. It just wasn't working, no matter what I did. It wasn't. Beka felt like they were staring at her accusingly, so she had to defend herself. If only they would go away and stop haunting her practically every waking minute. Damn, she needed to go to sleep very badly right now.

"Look, now, you've all got to leave me alone.

Haunting me isn't helping. We're never going to see each other again, all right. The sooner we all accept that, the better. Please, just go away and leave me alone. I'm actually doing quite well. I've got a good job and am making a decent living and a nice new life for myself. And nothing is going to get in the way of that. Not even you." Angrily, she shoved the picture back into the box, slammed it shut and shoved it back under her bunk. Now the tears came. And she turned and cried herself to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

"Please, Tyr, just a little more time."

"No. The deadline has arrived and we are going back." Somehow Tyr had known Harper would be difficult.

"No. I don't want to go back."

"Don't make me render you unconscious."

"Just try it."

They were in the slipfighter and there wasn't a lot of room to move. Tyr sighed. "Harper, I'm sorry we couldn't find her. I wouldn't have minded being wrong about this."

Harper slumped. Tyr being nice was almost too much. "We don't really have to go, do we?"

"Yes, we do. We cannot search forever. You knew this when we started and you agreed."

"Yeah, I did, didn't I? Stupid, stupid me. Fine. Let's go, then."

Tyr took off. Harper started crying. He had so wanted to find Beka and bring her back home where she belonged. There had been that underlying feeling that that their mission to find her was doomed to failure but...he'd denied it. Now there was no more denying.

Tyr was glad he was busy flying the ship. Otherwise, he might have been tempted to hug Harper again. Which might have been good for Harper but, certainly not for Tyr. Well, now that they knew Beka was gone for good, they would have to accept that. Tyr knew it would be hard on everyone. He, at least, had Freya, Tammerlaine and his other wives and children.

Yes, things had gone well for everyone. Except, of course, for Beka... No sense in brooding about that. The thing to do now was go home.


	14. Chapter 14

In no time at all they had reached Tarn-Vedra and gotten clearance. Tyr wasn't surprised to see Dylan,

Rommie and Trance at the spaceport to greet them when they landed.

"You didn't find her", Trance stated.

"No. We did try but, we had no luck." Tyr kept his voice neutral.

"You should have given us some more time, Dylan", Harper accused, before running off.

Dylan looked devastated. "Just give him time", Rommie comforted. "He'll come around and realize that you did all you could."

"Did I?"

"I think you all should go. I would like to speak to the President alone." The others did as Tyr asked.

"What's this about, Tyr?"

"I just want to make sure that this setback will not have negative consequences for either the Commonwealth or the united Neitzschean prides. Beka wouldn't want that, I'm sure."

Dylan managed a small smile. "No, she wouldn't. And, Tyr, I thought the Nietzscheans and the Commonwealth were one and the same."

Tyr smiled back. Perhaps, President Hunt, perhaps."


	15. Chapter 15

In the time that had passed since Beka had left everyone had had to make their adjustments. They all continued to do their jobs, but there was an underlying sadness.

On one particular day Harper was sitting in a park. He had the day off and he didn't feel like doing anything. So, he was sitting on a bench when Trance walked by. "You have the day off too", he called to her.

She came and sat beside him. "Yeah. What's the matter? You don't look as happy about a day off as you normally would."

"You know what's the matter, Trance. Why do you even ask?"

"Because I was hoping it was something I could fix."

"Nobody can fix the fact that Beka left. Dylan could have." Harper sounded bitter. "He could have taken the whole fleet and we would have found her and brought her back."

"What would that have accomplished, Harper? If she wasn't happy..."

"We should have noticed, then. She was always noticing us and making sure we were taken care of. Why didn't we do the same for her? But, no, we were all so happy with our new lives and positions, we didn't ever take the time to notice that she was unhappy. We let her down, Trance."

Trance didn't say anything. It was true. She, too, felt guilty. "It's too late, Harper. I wish it wasn't but, it is. We didn't do what we could have and that's the way it is." She started crying.

Harper felt awful. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"It's all right. I'll be fine. Maybe things can still work out. Maybe she'll come home. There's always a chance, right?"

"Sure." They both doubted it but, why say it out loud anymore. It would only hurt them some more and both were already hurt enough.


	16. Chapter 16

Beka had scored herself a good deal, she thought. Jarmin was certainly more than fair to work for. He also paid well.

The only problem, and it really wasn't much of a problem, was that he had all sorts of lowlifes working for him. There were Flash addicts, sex addicts, you name it. And Jarmin wasn't above helping them score.

Beka tried to keep to herself, for the most part and stay out of everything. When she wasn't off on runs, she stayed on the Maru. She told herself she was happy. There was no emptiness inside her that needed to be filled.

But, of course, it was there.

One night, it got to be a little too much for her and she decided to break her self-imposed isolation. She had just finished a particularly good run and it was something to celebrate.

She went back to the bar she had met Jarmin in. He was there, as always. "So, the snob pilot decides to grace us with her presence?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you never socialize with the rest of us. I'm hurt. You think you're too good for us, don't you?"

"I never said that. Besides, what do you care?"

"I care because I like my runners to know their place. There's no room for snobs in my organization. You're the best pilot I've ever had but, I still don't like it." He scowled.

"So, what do you want me to do to ease your mind?"

"Something, anything." He pointed out to all the activity in the bar. "Like them. I like my employees to have vices. I, myself have them. It promotes harmony."

Beka laughed. "Vice promotes harmony? Interesting theory."

"Don't laugh. This is my operation and it's how I like it. If you don't, you can always leave. No one's forcing you to stay and work for me--Beka Valentine." Beka gasped. Jarmin laughed. "Yes, I know who you are. I knew it all along. Did you really think I didn't? Maybe no one else around here does but, I do. I mean, you helped restore the Commonwealth and all. You are pretty famous. And I gather

that you don't want anyone from the erstwhile government to know where you are, judging from the expression on your face. I could, of course, send a message to President Hunt informing him of your whereabouts. Or not.

It all depends."

Beka was furious but, managed to keep a semblance of calm. "What do you want?"

"Can't you guess?" He leered at her.

Yes, she could. Jarmin repulsed her but, it would just be sex. Nothing she hadn't done before, right? It would be no problem. "Give me fifteen minutes. Your place or mine?"

"Oh, mine, my dear. You know where it is.

I'll be waiting and if you're not there in fifteen minutes, the message gets sent." He lurched off the stool.

Beka felt physically ill. She didn't know why it was bothering her so much all of a sudden; she'd had meaningless sex with less desirables before. But, for some reason, she knew she wouldn't be able to get through it without...something. So, she turned to one of the white-eyed wonders. "I'd like to score some Flash. Can you help me?"


	17. Chapter 17

The Flash helped her through it. Fortunately, Jarmin tired of her pretty quickly and stopped his calls. But, by that time, she was hooked again. Except that...she had been hooked since that failed trip to Tarn-Vedra (maybe even before then, on her trip to visit dear old Uncle Sid) she had just never used it since.

But once started on it again, she found she didn't have to live with the horrible cravings anymore. No one had ever really understood how hard it had been. Sure, they had tried but, they didn't really understand. No matter what they said. She'd been a fool to believe them and was better off without them.

At the moment she was on the Maru mixing up a batch. She found that it was cheaper to score the ingredients and mix the Flash herself, rather than score it ready made. This was yet another useful skill her father had taught her. "Thanks, Daddy", she muttered.

It was ready. She picked up the dropper and squirted it in to her eyes. Ahhh--perfect. And she didn't even have to bother with contact lenses this time. There was nobody to have to hide it from. "Yeah, nobody. I'm my own person again. I answer to nobody. Not part of some big high class society where I never fit in anyway. I thought they were my friends.

Oh get real, Valentine. You never had friends. You only thought you did. And what's the big deal, anyway? You're here and you're happy. Right? Right. And you don't ever have to pretend you're something you're not again."

She walked around the ship, securing it and getting more agitated by the moment. Then Beka began going down the list of her former Andromeda crew members.

"Dylan. Stand by me, my foot. You couldn't be bothered with me, not once your new government was formed. There was no place in it for me. I said that. You didn't even try to convince me. So, you never believed in me after all. You phony. Just wanted me for the good I could do your cause and your ship.

Your ship. Andromeda. Rommie. You never liked me, either. You looked down on me and my ship. Poor little Maru. It wasn't quite as good as you, was it? Well, too damn bad. It's my ship and it's got heart. Do you?

And what about Tyr? Snob. Always on your high horse. Neitzschean bastard. You can drown in all your superiority crap as far as I'm concerned.

Trance. Well, you talked a good game about being my friend. You were so good at it, too.

I even believed you, fool that I was. But, you never were. Real friends don't keep secrets from each other. Real friends are honest about themselves with each other. You never were.

And, Rev. Well, you left. Your Wayism was the most important thing to you. Stupid beliefs. Hope you're happy now.

And my beloved Harper. Where the hell are you? I took care of you, saved your ass, and gave you a pretty good life. And you couldn't wait to throw me over something better. Well, why not? That's the way of the universe, after all. No loyalty here. Whatever. Go do your own thing. Go your own way. I'm fine without you. I'm fine without all of you." Except...if this were true, then why were tears running down her cheeks?

She was now high all the time. That was good because she didn't have to think about whether she was happy or not. As long as she was left alone, she was fine. And after doing her runs, she was always alone.

Although, lately, it seemed like Beka was getting jobs from Jarmin less frequently. That was a problem because it meant that there was less cash for Flash. Which she still needed very much. Even though mixing it herself was cheaper, it still cost.

Things couldn't be allowed to go on this way.

Something had to be done. And Beka was just the one to do it. She went searching for him but, he wasn't in any of the bars. So, she barged into his place. "Jarmin, where the fuck are you?"

He came out of his bedroom. "I'm in my home.

What the fuck are you doing here, if I may ask?"

"I'm here to find out why I'm not pulling in the jobs I used to. I should be. You know who I am, that I'm the best. So, what's the deal?"

"Oh Beka, count your blessings. I gave you what I gave you. You're lucky I don't just turn you in to our beloved President Hunt."

"I paid you for not doing that, you bastard."

"Oh, did you? Well, have I got news for you, you weren't that good."

"You fucking bastard."

He laughed. "Yep, that's me. And by the way, what kind of jobs did you think you were doing. Never bothered to really look close at the cargo, did you? Let me enlighten you, it was Flash among other things. That's my main business. You were basically working for free

because all your money came back to me. Granted, not as fast, because you actually know how to make the stuff. Not many of my customers can do that. Oh well, such is the way of things. I'm really surprised that all the little hints didn't spell it out to you, Beka. Maybe you just didn't want to know." He shrugged. "Now go away and and leave my home. I'll call you when I call you." He turned away.

Flash-fried and angry, both states feeding on the other, Beka jumped him. "Bastard, bastard. I'll fucking kill you."

But, Jarmin hadn't lived as long as he had by being helpless. Plus the fact, that Beka was no longer in tip top shape. He was easily able to subdue her. "I could kill you. I won't. I'll settle for watching you sink. I'm not giving you anymore jobs. So, how are you going to pay for your habit now?" He was laughing as he threw her out.

She screamed, cried and pounded on his door, to no avail. After awhile, she picked herself up and went back to the Maru. She checked her supply of Flash. Not much left. Beka felt a stab of fear. If she couldn't get jobs to support her habit, she'd have to go through withdrawal again. And then the cravings would come back. What the hell was she going to do when her Flash ran out?


	18. Chapter 18

The question plagued her, even as she was going through her last supplies. Beka had tried to get jobs with others but, Jarmin had spread the word around. No one would hire her. And she was getting desperate. And in the Flash-fried recesses of her mind, the thought came to her. Her Commonwealth accounts. Perhaps Dylan hadn't locked them. "But, if I use them then, Dylan will be able to trace me. He hasn't looked for me at all, as far as I know. Maybe the hypocrite really respects my decision. Fat chance! It's a risk. Should I? If I don't, I can't get anymore Flash. I've got to. I need it. He won't look for me. He hasn't and he better not. It's my money--I earned it. They can't keep it from me, damnit. I'll risk it." She fired up the Maru and headed for the nearest main Commonwealth world.

Harlan Ellison was atypical bureaucrat. He liked things to go smoothly and according to plan. Which was why he disliked the whole situation he was in now. It was very definitely not according to plan. It was scary and unpleasant.

Beka had been brought to see him when she'd tried to gain access to one of her accounts. She was now sitting across from him in his office. And she wasn't happy.

"You want access to an official Commonwealth government account?"

"Yes." Beka tried to conceal her impatience.

It wasn't easy. She fingered her gauss gun. She was struggling to remain calm when all she wanted to do was blast this guy and take the money. She'd do it if she had to but--. "Look, it's my money. I'm Beka Valentine."

"I will need to see some proof of that first. Do you have some identification?"

"Fine. It just so happens that, yes, I do." With shaking hands, she pulled out her I.D. card. "There. See. I am who I say I am. Can I just please have my two thousand thrones?"

Harlan studied the picture on the card, then at the woman seated across from him. There was a slight resemblance between the two but...only slightly. This woman was pale and emaciated. Her hair was limp and lifeless. And her eyes....They were dull, dead and scarred. All in all, she didn't look like she had long to live. "I'm waiting." There was menace in her voice. She was armed and he had no doubt that she wouldn't hesitate to use her weapons. It was scary. Best to do whatever was necessary to avoid an incident.

"Certainly, Miss Valentine. I just had to make certain. I have to follow proper procedure." According to the card, she was Beka Valentine. Normally, an identity scan would also be done but, Harlan just wanted this woman out of here. He was very afraid.

"Just wait right here. I'll be back with your money." He went and got it out of the vault.


	19. Chapter 19

As soon as she had the money in hand she got the hell out of there without so much as a thank you. Beka was relieved that she hadn't had to shoot anyone. It might have come to that. That would have sucked. But, it hadn't and she now had enough to keep her supplied for awhile. Dylan hadn't locked the accounts.

She could always come back for more when she needed it. A safety net.

No, Dylan hadn't come looking for her. No one had. Of course not. She'd separated herself from them once and for all. They were no longer her friends. They'd never been her friends. They didn't care and they wouldn't come.

All she had left was Flash now and soon, very soon, she'd be restocked and dosing. Beka couldn't wait to score. The two thousand thrones would last awhile and when she needed more she'd get it because she was damn well entitled to it. She'd earned it.

Who cared how pathetic she was now. Beka certainly didn't. Nothing mattered, after all. Except for Flash, of course. The thought crossed her mind that she'd probably die just like her father had. She suppressed it. "Don't care. Doesn't matter." She piloted back to Zenphon and quickly scored some ready made Flash. It was more expensive but, this was an emergency. She'd go back to scoring ingredients and making it herself later. Right now the important thing was to get high. Which she immediately did.


	20. Chapter 20

Harlan was still feeling uneasy and that really bothered him. That woman was gone but, what if she came back? Perhaps he should...Yes, he would. He sent a message to Tarn-Vedra.

Trance came running into Dylan's office. "Dylan, Dylan, you've got to hear this."

"Whoa! Slow down, Trance. What's got you so riled up? Tell me, calmly."

"O.K. I'll try. It's just that a message just came for us. It's about Beka."

Dylan sat up straighter. "What about Beka?" There was hope in his voice.

"She accessed one of her Commonwealth accounts. It's the first we've heard of her in nearly a year."

Dylan tried to keep calm. "Where and when?"

"Just two days ago. On Melsos. Oh, Dylan, we could go there and get her and bring her back home. Pretty please. We have to." Trance was jumping up and down and her tail was flapping with excitement.

Dylan smiled at her eagerness. "But, should we? She did leave us after all." He was striving to be the President and be all diplomatic. Truth was, he was as eager to go as Trance. He had been very sad since she'd gone.

"We could at least go and check on her and make sure she's O.K. If she's fine and happy and doesn't want to come home, that's all well and good. But, we have to make sure."

Trance had done it. She'd persuaded him. O.K. We'll go. We can run the government just as well from Andromeda. Do you think Tyr and Harper will want to go with us?"

Trance bounced even faster and screamed. "I will go ask them. I'm sure they will. Oh, and Dylan-call Rev. He might want to come too. I've got to go and let Tyr, Harper and Rommie in on this. This is so wonderful." Dylan laughed as she ran out of his office. He turned on the comm and put in a call to Rev.

Trance ran down the hall to Tyr's office. "Tyr, Tyr. You have to come with us."

Tyr looked up from his work. "Trance, you have interrupted me. Please give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you?"

"Because Dylan and I are going to go find Beka

and we thought you might want to come."

"What! Explain."

So Trance did. "I'm going to go get Harper and

Rommie. Dylan's calling Rev. Do you want to come?"

"So, we just leave the business of government to go chasing Beka, who defected?"

"No. We run the government from Andromeda. We built the Commonwealth from her; we can run things from her. But, you don't have to come."

"I will come. If only to find out the story behind her leaving."

"O.K. So, you're in. Now I have to go tell Harper and Rommie."


End file.
